Sunday, December 02, 2007

Douchebag Of The Year nominee

I know there are still a few weeks left, but I'm ready to declare Olester Duncan my pick for "Douchebag Of The Year". Here is the original story of why I think he deserves this prestigious honor.

But here is my version: Olester (or as I like to call him "The O-ster") was innocently shopping at an Albertson's in Florida when he reached for a four-pack of Schlitz and was savagely beaten on the skull by one of the cans. Having absolutely no concept of the basic rules governing the universe, he had no way of knowing that a can of liquid, not properly supported, would fall to the earth (BTW this is what we call "Gravity" just incase anyone else vying for D.O.T.Y. is reading this).

Any other man may have just gone on with their (what I'm sure is a very rich and full) life. But Olester bravely enlisted the help of attorney Dennis L. Finch and is trying to sue seven different entities. That's right, he's not limiting himself to Albertson's or even the people that make Schlitz (Stroh Brewery took over Schlitz brewing Co. in '82, but Pabst Brewing actually produces the Malt Liquor), he's taking on fat cats like Lakefront Brewery in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The fact that Lakefront was in no way connected to the incident isn't going to stop The O-ster from seeking justice.


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